“There is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.” – Jill Churchill
Transitioning from Corporate America to a full time stay at home mom has been anything but easy. As a stay at home mom I have often felt like with everything that I’m doing for my baby, my husband and myself it’s still not enough. There is a big misconception that stay at home moms have it easy because its not a “real job”. Let me tell that this is far from the truth.
In no way am I complaining but it would be nice to see all moms whether they stay at home or are working moms get the same level of respect and support each other when it comes to being a mother. At the end of the day we all have experienced mom guilt because at one time or another we have felt like we are not doing enough of something.
Experiencing & Conquering Mom Guilt
Preparing Home Cooked Meals
Prior to becoming a mom I worked in an office 5 days a week and somehow I was still able to meal prep and do all of the cooking for my husband and I on the weekends. I would cook 2 different breakfast options and lunch/dinner options for the following week on Saturday.
Now, I’m lucky if I am able to cook dinner that lasts more than a couple of days. Being home and parenting all day is sometimes mentally and physically exhausting and the last thing I want to do at the end of the day is cook. A lot of our meals end up being take out. I feel guilty because as much as I would like every meal to be home cooked there’s not always enough time in the day.
To help lessen the pressure that I have been putting on myself, my husband has been helping more with the cooking for our family and also encouraging me to stop being so hard on myself. I had been so used to being able to all of the meal prepping and cooking that I honestly didn’t realize how hard I was being on myself. Not being able to cook a home cooked meal every night doesn’t make me any less of a mom.
Making Good Use Of My Time Throughout The Day
I used to be one of the most organized people and had impeccable time management skills. I had the balance between work like and home life down pat. As good as I was at organization and time management I never would have imagined it being a challenge once I had my daughter.
Now that I am a mom, at times I have felt like my time management and organization skills haven’t been the best. For instance, when my daughter is taking an afternoon nap I sometimes find myself getting overwhelmed when I look at things that need to get done around the house and end up getting little to nothing done. I feel guilty because I used to be able to manage work and home life and now just managing home I sometimes feel inundated.
My top priority is my family and I’ve realized that my expectations were getting in the way of that. To not become overwhelmed I focus on one thing at time. Something that has helped me with this is a phrase my Mom would always say to me, ” How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”
Comparing Myself To Other Moms
Prior to my daughter being born I never compared myself to what other people were doing with their lives. I had always been the woman that did her own thing and went against the grain in every area of my life. After our daughter was born social media started to play a big role in my mom guilt.
I started doubting myself as a mom when I would look other moms social media accounts. Seeing many accounts where both mom and baby always appeared flawless made me feel like I was failing as a mom. I felt like this because they seemed to have it all together whereas I was struggling daily as a first time mom. I was judging my motherhood based on other moms social media accounts.
Comparison really is the thief of joy. The false expectations and perceptions presented on social media are sometimes just that. What I was seeing was only a snapshot of another moms life. I started to unfollow any account that made me feel negative about myself as a mom. Doing this has helped me to get rid of the unrealistic mom guilt and stop comparing myself to other moms.
Any mom that experiences or has experienced mom guilt should always be kind to themselves. No matter what, we should give ourselves the same grace we give others when things go wrong or when we fall short. No mom is perfect and if you’re doing the best that you can that’s all that matters. You can be both a good mom and an imperfect mom.
What experiences have you had with mom guilt and how did you overcome them?